Feeding What’s Good

Right now, everyone is doing the best they can.

It’s a hard concept to follow – there’s nothing most people like more than to point out how everyone couldn’t possibly be as enlightened as them…how unless others are following their way of thinking/doing, there’s no way they will ever be happy, ever be as good a person as they are.

An even harder (but much more important) exercise is to realize that YOU are doing the best you can, and not allow yourself to be swayed by such discouraging forces. It’s important to realize when a situation (or relationship) has reached an unhealthy point, and gracefully bow out of it – not beat it into the ground until you’re pulling your hair out with frustration.

Case in point: I was at a job I really loved. It ended for reasons that were out of my hands and I originally set out to find a similar work situation. In the process, I realized it wasn’t the industry I was attached to, but the feeling of being part of something good, and so I picked a job that was not very creative but had the potential of equally good vibes. To keep a long rant short – I may have been wrong with this initial impression.

But not wrong when it came to what makes me happy – being a resourceful little cog in the grand wheel of creativity and life: While paying the bills, I took the floral design classes that I had always been interested in. While arranging flowers and exploring Jersey with Butch, I realized how much better flowers (and plants and trees) are while they’re still attached to the soil. So new plans were formed, and long term goals written down. Schools and programs were researched and organizations were joined. Environmental Horticulture and Landscape Design here I come!

Then there’s a standstill with no immediate action, and shitty real life happens (as it tends to do), and it’s still winter in the city, and suddenly I find myself gloomily walking around with a little cartoon storm cloud over my head…which causes me to forget where I want to be. And by just throwing that want out to the universe, it won’t matter so much that I’m bored at at a job I don’t plan on being at past this year (or month), or that I need to develop some patience with how my future will pan out (waaa, classes don’t start until MARCH), and how it’s become apparent how much I need to clean house (both literally and figuratively) in the meantime.

Because I know I deserve happiness, and that I’m doing the best I can to be good to myself, and those around me. My mom’s good friend Deana (who is the dictionary definition of “earth mother”) sent me an email once with the following story:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside himself.
“My son, the battle is between two wolves.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,
inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:
“Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one I feed.”

So on I go with my big plans. They may not be what someone else would call “success,” but at least I’ll be able to hold myself fully accountable for where I end up. Isn’t that right, Spirit Animal?




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