I’m going to start this post by acknowledging two things. 1. I have laryngitis right now so I’m not in the best of moods and 2. That a rant of this caliber will probably garner some anonymous online haters, to which I say a preemptive “psssh.” Allow me to beat you to the punch. And let’s begin.
A fun fact that was unnecessarily pointed out to me recently: Living with people is hard! As someone who survived 10 years in the city both in dorm rooms and apartments, I am both aware and accepting of these facts. And having had these experiences, I’ve tried my best to develop habits that purposefully make it easier for other people to live with me. As in, I clean up after myself, I respect other people’s property/boundaries and generally just try not to give people stress in the one place that’s supposed to be their sanctuary from daily life. Is it really too much to ask to have those things done for me as well?
Apparently the answer is yes…and since I don’t believe it’s because the requests that I’m making are out of line then what is the connection? The only thing I can come up with is that the concerns are coming from the same source – me. Coming from anyone else, a request to not, let’s say, think that a bath towel is a shared commodity would be completely respected and understood. But from me it’s a problem with my personality. And I’ll be the first to admit that when pissed off about something I can be a bit…combative (try living in NYC acting like a hippie pushover – you won’t last long), but that same temper has been used to defend friends, stand up for causes I believe in, and tell off d-bag dudes when they’ve disrespected me. Every negative is a positive, right?
This idea of accepting people for who they are and trying to understand where they’re coming from and letting them just be has been hammered and hammered and hammered into my head since arriving…while at the same time nearly everything I say is debunked, argued with, condescended at etc etc… to say it’s contradictory is putting it lightly. To say it’s goddamn hypocritical is more like it. It’s like living in the twilight zone.
Add to that friends asking me “what exactly have you been doing at the Farm? I never see you mentioned on the blog..” and I just about lose my mind. Ok yes, I wasn’t involved in some projects that have been blogged about, because I was doing five million other things that never get mentioned much less noticed. If it was blog recognition I was after I would just sit on my ass until a high-profile project came along for me to get in on the photo opp. That’s not really my style. I see the practical things that need to get done while everyone else is busy and I do them. No I’m not trying to be the martyr of the weeded flower beds…But you can bet I’ll be making sure the incoming interns know that I appreciate what they’re doing around the house.
And that’s really what this (long-winded, self-righteous, etc etc) rant boils down to: Acceptance and acknowledgment. Being someone who really feels they’ve put their heart and soul into something only to feel like an outsider looking in really…sucks. But in the spirit of finding a positive in a negative, I’m willing to take any suggestions given to me – Is there anything worth salvaging from this situation or should I just pack my bindle stick and hit the road?
(Pooh Just Is cover from If Sunflowers Danced)