I won’t lie. While also amazing, moving up here has had its difficulties as well. I try to keep my self-pitying personal rantings to a minimum on this blog, but lately I’ve been feeling like a kite without a string. I’m not having some grand existential crisis – the big “why am I here?”….more like, why am I here. “Here” meaning the North Country/Better Farm.
Some days are great; I have huge bursts of creative inspiration, communication with others is smooth, and I actually feel like I’m an important part of the bigger picture. Other days…not so hot; I’m paralyzed with ennui, anything that comes out of my mouth is met with blank stares and/or attitude, and I wonder why I left a perfectly comfortable life in the city to feel like an obstacle existing only to give other people a challenge they can bravely overcome.
Now like I said, there have been plenty of good things about moving here. The scenery is breathtaking. The people I’ve met in the community are great. My gardening business has really taken off… But there are times I miss the way things were back in the city. Granted I moved there as a bright-eyed student, with meeting like-minded people being as easy as striking up a conversation in drawing class…and that core group of friends did stick around the area for the most part, making any new additions just the icing on the cake. Also noted is the general slim pickin’s of creative-minded people in these parts…which, growing up in rural Maine, I recognize only all too well.
Maggie sagely pointed out during a recent visit that if you hold on to the past too hard then you’re not fully existing in the present. I have been doing my best to be fully present in my daily life up here, and I don’t think I should feel quite so alienated, especially when I know in my heart that my personal path is on the right track. I will have to dig deeper into this issue for sure, and really examine which areas of my life up here are fulfilling and which are not, and only involve myself with those that involve me back.
Kite photo from IBN Live