Nobody Panic! We’re All Just Growing Up

I am now of a certain age where various friends/ex-boyfriends are not only getting married but having babies at an alarming rate. While I did experience a couple of friends getting pregnant back in my later years of high school, at 18 I was propelled into the “never-never-land” of NYC, where for 10 years top priorities lay in job promotions and open bars, rather than settling down and reproducing. Now that Butch and I live a much quieter life (where an evening out on the town involves driving down the street to the local biker bar for wing-night), I’ve finally started to read the writing on the wall that 5 years ago could have been written in Sanskrit for all I cared. Yes, I am currently thinking about the possibility of maybe kinda sorta planning to have a baby.

Don’t get me wrong – the indecision in my tone has nothing to do with not wanting to pass on my impeccable genes…it’s more a matter of logistics. Butch and I are recently married, and recent home buyers, which means we have recently acquired a level of debt that neither of us feels comfortable with. But the overall opinion seems to be that one should not wait until they can “afford” a baby, because that day will never come. Which means that I need to accept the fact that although our 1,200 sq ft house may be small by super-sized American standards, building an addition actually isn’t necessary to accommodate up to 3 children, provided they don’t move around too much. The same goes for that luxurious sun deck I wanted, or the trip to Ireland – neither of which is going to happen anytime soon, kids or not. So money is actually not an obstacle, and neither is Butch’s age, my new job (and old ego), or our dedication to a green(ish) lifestyle.

Butch is only 3 years younger than me, but considering I first snatched him up at the tender age of 23, I’ve always tried to be respectful of our age difference and to not to make him feel pressured to take any huge leaps of responsibility that he might not feel ready for. But then again, this is the same guy who, after only 8 months of dating, when I nervously asked him to move in with me, or before moving upstate together when I made it clear that I definitely wanted to get married and have kids at some point, he casually answered with a “yeah, sure, sounds good.” Pshhhh…dudes. Not to mention that he seems to be mentioning having a baby more often recently, and not only when prompted by me (I had to coach him before our wedding last year on the proper response to the inevitable questions of “when” and how “whenever SHE wants them” was not an appropriate answer). I do have a sneaking suspicion that when he says “baby” he means “baby boy,” but I’m sure he’d be happy either way.

I used to think it was micro-management when women over-planned their pregnancy dates to coincide with a certain event or times of year. Now that I work for a non-profit with a very specific busy-season, I totally get it. No way do I want to be about to pop in the middle of July as I join a kayak Trek down the River, corral a gaggle of 30 kids during an outing or plan a major fundraising event. Not to mention, I kind of want to have a baby in October for the sole purpose of throwing a Halloween-themed birthday party every year! Which brings me to my next obstacle: My ego. Anyone who follows this blog knows that it’s usually all about ME. Heck, even the fact that I have this blog brings to light the fact that I assume people are actually interested in my every move. Let’s put it this way – for many years I had staunchly been a low-maintenance “cat-person,” and when we first adopted Fred-dog I went into hysterics the first time he pooped on the bedroom floor. But after surviving a year with our sweet hound, I am proud to say I have developed patience that I didn’t know I had and have even started to feel like I could care for another living thing enough to not let it wander into traffic.

And lastly, I’ve been recently investigating how pregnancy/raising a child could work with this whole green(ish) lifestyle that I promote. I very much want to do things as green(ish)ly as possible, but have been concerned that my deeply ingrained (aka being raised by Jewish parents) penny-pinching will win out over saving the earth when it comes to all things baby. I mean, I love the idea of compostable diaper inserts but how much do they cost and what sort of wild animals will be attracted to my yard if I start building a pile a poo? But then I read one of my favorite blogs, Click Clack Gorilla, and realize that if this low-impact momma can be successfully raising a healthy baby in a wagon-house in the middle of Germany, that I need to seriously calm down. Plus, F that S has evolved since its conception, and could very easily translate into a green(ish) mommy blog!

That leaves a few miscellaneous concerns – neither of us has any family up here and the friends that we make are the transient-sort or are Fort Drum-related (meaning, if they get shipped out, they ship-off), so a permanent local support system doesn’t exist. Also, the new job is actually a new career, and one that I don’t want to “mess up” by going on maternity leave (there goes the ego again)….but in the end, I am a woman of a certain age who now feels like this is as good a time as there will ever be to finally get this show on the road, so once again I need to take a leap of faith and just go for it! Besides, everyone else is doing it…

All the photos in this post are of my darling nephew, Graham, who will be 18 months old when I visit with him in early August!

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13 thoughts on “Nobody Panic! We’re All Just Growing Up

  1. OK………..you can just imagine my GLEE at reading this blog post! And that statement that you can’t wait until you can afford kids because that day does not come is so true. It took dad and me almost 5 years of wedded bliss to figure that out, so you’re way ahead of us. You and Butch will make wonderful parents. And being retired, I am available for month long visits to help out. So have fun creating the next generation!!

  2. Hubby and I are in the same boat. I realized I’m ready when I started to see people with children at events I love and I was thinking, “I want to bring children here” and “Oh, I could just move this and this around in my apartment and we’d totally have room!” Maybe we’ll have little ones who can grow up as friends!

  3. I totally agree. I noticed myself noticing more baby-centric things…and, of course, babies! I hope we do end up with little ones near the same age – that would be a lot of fun!

    And good call about the cat litter. It will give me an excuse to pass off a chore that I dislike…then again, I’d be trading that for changing poopy diapers!

  4. I think I stumbled onto this particular blog but you can imagine that it caught my attention!!!!!! Ok, was Brian’s response still “yeah, sure, sounds good”?? Like your mom agreed, if you wait til you can afford kids, you may never have any. I may not be able to stay a month at a time but I will be there, it’s only a 5 hour ride! Do whatever makes the two of you happy! I love you both!

  5. Haha! Oh no, the men can’t get out of helping with that! The little one will, after all, be half theirs!

    Also, not to get all personal on your blog, but are you taking pre-natals? When I spoke with my OBGYN about going off birth control, she recommended I take them just in case. I got a prescription for them and they’re amazingly cheap compared to what I had been paying for a general one a day sort of vitamin. Very worth it. I swear my hair is benefiting!

  6. When the couple (or, single), starts raising “furry” babies– cats, dogs, hamsters, ferrets, otters, etc– that take time and commitment, that is the clue (to me) that they are gearing up to have non-furry babies…
    That’s my scientific side talking.
    My pending grandfather side is saying, ” Oh boy, oh joy!”
    –Daddio

  7. Yeah butch seems to think babies sound good! He also made a comment recently that he needs some “in between” clothes (btwn work and suits)….aka “grown up clothes.” Guess he’s growing up! 😉

  8. Haha! Well I’m be had cats now for almost 8 years….so not sure if they count. But glad you’re getting excited for the unborn/unconceived heir to the throne!

  9. Funny how this blog has received more comments than any other! We’re all in a tizzy. Then I realize if you’re thinking of a fall baby, you actually mean 2013! You should be able to get your ducks in a row by then. Oh, and it’s not that cats don’t count, it’s just that the care of a cat does not prepare you for children the same way a dog does. You know what I mean!

  10. Pingback: It’s Like the Grapes of Wrath In There | A Green(ish) Life

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